Friends' List..

When I started writing this post, there was a question inside my head 

"Can you count how many friends you have?"

If I were younger, I would definitely answer yes to this question. But yesterday, when I ran into my three of my four closest friends during my first year in university, I began to wonder, why did I neglected them? Why our friendship were merely hi and goodbye lately? Why did I let myself to be controlled by circumstances and just let them go because we didn't take the same papers lately? I felt like such a bad friend. I felt like instead of being friends, we became more like acquaintences lately and I really didn't want that to happen. I still want our friendship to go on and strong because they are really good people and I should give them what they deserved from me, which is a quality time together.

What's a friend?

According to Dictionary.com, a friend is a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 

I still remember when I was still in my primary school, I would list down my friends' name and decorated it. The list will consist of almost all the girls' name in my class. That time, to me, the definition of friend was simple. A friend to me, means someone you know and whom you did not fight with. How innocent of us kids back then hehe.

When I entered high school, I entered the smartest class for Bahasa Melayu Medium though I didn't get straight As. So I felt like the underdog firstly because I personally think that I didn't fit in the smart category and I was a very timid girl. I didn't know how to converse in Mandarin back then because in my primary school, we just conversed in my mother tongue, my dialect, which is Hokkien.

It was during high school I always felt very lonely because I only talk to people when they were the one who started the conversations. It was because I was too self-conscious and afraid I might be laughed at for speaking Mandarin inaccurately. So I would do anything just to gain friends - I became the delivery girl by helping my classmates to buy food from the canteen though sometimes I didn't intend to go to the canteen. A small thank you made my day, I felt appreciated, but there were times when I bought things wrongly and got dissatisfied remarks.

During that lonely period of my afternoon session moment in high school, I would list down the number of friends I had in my diary. I became more critical about the definition of a friend, and the list was very short, because there were only a few who was close to me and was kind to me that time. But still, I was sure, somehow someday, I would get out of my shell and be more approachable towards other people. 

But that didn't happen during my high school, because all through high school, whenever I tried to come out of my shell, there were always obstacles from a different level coming for me. I was frustrated with studying life. Because of that, I was finally comfortable with my anti-social attitude and I told my mom I wanted to work right away after Form 5, but well, as you can see, that did not happen. I continued with Form 6. Though I still speak poor Mandarin that time, I felt the sense of belongingness in my Form 6 class. I was considered smart, something that I won't expected to be labelled as after primary school. 

My friends' list became longer than before, and I was really blissful. It was during my Form 6 where for the first time, I began to be involved in religious club such as Young Christian Students. And through my Form 6, I began to know more people and had quality time with my bestie.

Then there was university life. During my first year first semester, I had a gang which consists of Mei Ling, Sook Mon, Christopher, Susanna, Pei Lee and me. When we attended classes, we always go together. But when the second semester arrived, we majored in different subjects and the gang was like, splitted into two. Pei Lee and me were always together, then the rest were at another part. During my first year 2nd semester, I always felt lonely because sometimes Pei Lee fell sick and couldn't attend the classes. Then I started to make the friends' list all over again, counting how many friends I had. Inside the list contained most of my seniors' name. I wasn't really mixing with my peers that time. I felt frustrated with myself, the trauma of being an outcast like what I felt during my high school years came back haunting me again. 

But God was really kind to me. During my 2nd year, He gave me a role to play in a religious club and He met me with Hawa and a lot of other new people I began to became close with. Though I was busy and all that, it was a small price to pay compared to the blessings He gave me. I felt more contented and it was the first time I thanked my mother for forcing me to enter university.

And you know what? It was during that time I stopped making the friends' list.

And only when I stopped making the friends' list that I realized we cannot count how many friends we have cause it's hard to determine which one of your acquaintences is your friend because friendship must be nurtured. Acquaintances can turn into friends and vice versa. If you do not keep in touch with your friends, your friends might turn into merely acquaintences.

[Interframe: And that is why now I want to find a very good timing to reconnect with my first year gang, my beloved friends, Pei Lee, Sook Mon, Susanna and Mei Ling. I don't want this friendship we have turning into acquaintances relationship]

Have I mentioned that...

1) I am living in a new room this semester? And that room happens to be the former room my my senior? Imagine. New neighbours, new roommate. I wonder if I can cope up with all these new things.

2) I have a new old handphone? Not that I bought a new handphone, but I am using a hand-me-down handphone to replace my own Mr Sony the 2nd whom I've mistakenly divorced with. Ugh! And have I mentioned that the handphone I am using now had an experience going down the loo?

3) I am now a final year student? Well, not need to mention that. I felt stressed sometimes to be expected as a person who knows it all.

4) I want to have a MP5? I want it for reading e-books, and also soft copy notes. But what the heck, it costs a fortune. So maybe I can only buy it during the new semester (when I don't take that many papers and need not to read that many notes, hmmph..)

5) I am a floor-cleaning freak now? I had an urge to clean the floor frequently almost every day due to this feeling inside of me. Ugh.. I don't know that's a good or a bad thing but I am comfortable with it, though I think I am wasting a lot of water to clean the floor now.

6) I haven't finish reading the Holy Bible though I owned it since I was 9? I aimed to finish reading at least a chapter by this semester. I am trying to find the spiritual side of me to know myself better. I am always undecided, so I hope by reading the Bible, I have a guide to my future or to make any decision in life.

Last but not least, have I mentioned that this is my first update since the beginning of the first semester? Hello again blogging world. ;)

New friends I'm gonna miss next week..

These two cute kittens which were still nameless... I'm sooo gonna miss them once I fly to Penang this Sunday..

Aww, what can I name this cutie?? Hmmm.... I have so many cats till I ran out of names for them.. *sigh*

Well, I love kittens - when they are asleep.

When they aren't, I wish I was the one asleep.

It is a known fact that kittens are very naughty. Only a few cat lovers can tolerate their naughtiness.

(Obviously I'm not one of them)

Talking bout cats and pets, I became a follower of this blog not long ago - Bubu's Shelter.

If you think I am a cat lover for having so many cats at home, then she (the blog's owner) is definitely the ultimate cat and animal lover. ;)

I've never seen anybody so passionate about cats like her before.

Hmm, if only animal shelter exist in Sibu...

[Interframe: Actually, the main purpose of this post is to show off my new kittens' pictures. Aww, aren't they adorable?? hehe. If you have name suggestions, don't hesitate to suggest to me yea.. ;) ]

The Process and The Result..

This was me before.



And this is me now.. Ahem, do I look younger? lol..
(Pardon my blurry new hairdo photo but what do you expect from a 2mp handphone camera
*excuse mode on*)


So how did this thing happened?

Yeah, I know, I know, you must say that it involved a scissor, a hairdresser and of course me, but before all that, it involved a lot of emotions eg: nervoursness, excitedness, reluctance and hesitations.

Before this, when going to the saloon, all that matters to me was the result, not the process. I didn't give a damn about the process, because to me, the important thing was that, I wanted the end result fast and get the hell out of the saloon a.s.a.p. But after today, I guess my thinking was changed. The process, all the talking and interaction, with your hairdresser is important too. If they know your personality while doing/cutting your hair, they could possibly find the hair which fits your personality perfectly. By the way, hairdressers are usually so passionate about their work, everyone's hairstyle is the result of their creativity - that's why your interaction with them is important cause you're like their art piece.

I guess I kinda have one kind of syndrome before visiting a fancy saloon where the hairdressers are professionals. I name it "fancy-saloonphobia." Not that I had to be tied or forced when visiting a high standard saloon but the pre-saloon moment will involve a lot of reactions from me. I would ask my two sisters questions like:

- "Does my head looked weird?"

-"Does the hairdresser speaks Hokkien?"

- "Will you accompany me there?"

-"How should I have my hair done?"

-"I don't know how to speak Mandarin, I'm gonna make a fool of myself arggh can you guys help me to tell the hairdresser the hairstyle that I want?"

Yea, I sounded like an annoying younger sister anyone could have and yeah - I'm that weird. I'm this self-conscious before visiting a fancy saloon, probably because I am aware of how unstylish and unhealthy my hair was *nervous laugh*

But today I overcame my 'fancy-saloonphobia' and visited one of the top 5 hair saloons in Sibu, which is jeng jeng jeng ---> V Hair Image Studio.

Why did I decide to cut my hair there? Well, thanks to my eldest sister and my mom, they asked me to get a haircut from my cousin - whom we always called as Ah Bi but is popularly known as Yang Yang professionally at his saloon. Ah Bi's younger sister, who is my peer, known as Yi Yi, also worked at the saloon with him.

I was self-conscious at first. I know that I did not need to worry about the language barrier with the hairdresser (Ah Bi a.k.a my cousin) because he speaks in my mother tongue too, but there was a little twinge of insecurity in me - I did not know what topic to converse with Ah Bi later because I wasn't that familiar with him back then. At least he used to play with my two sisters, but not me. I only mixed with Yi Yi (his younger sister who is my peer) when I was little.

It's kinda funny when we get to mix freely and had little awkwardness with our own cousins when we were little but all that friendship and connection just disappeared once we grew up. Perhaps we lost contact and this phenomenon made me doubt the saying 'blood is thicker than water'. My sister then invented a new saying when I mentioned these things to her, and she said, "Yeah, blood is thicker than water, but bond is thicker than blood." (Melissa Chua 2010)

But since my mom and my eldest sister who had experienced getting their hair done by Ah Bi assured me that "Don't worry, Ah Bi's friendly" and "The other hairdressers won't bother you cause you're Ah Bi's customer", I began to feel more relaxed.

When me and my sister entered V Hair Image Studio, my cousin Ah Bi a.k.a Yang Yang greeted us and my sister told him that I wanted to have a haircut. Luckily he only had one customer before me that time - cause usually, it's not easy to find him with little customers because he's a popular hairdresser. After he finished with his customer, it was my turn.

The first reaction he had when he saw my hair was "Your hair is so thick!" (in Hokkien language). Ah, this sounds like the Ah Bi my cousin, not Ah Bi the professional hairdresser, I thought at the back of my mind. He did not talk in layers, but straightforward. After his first straightforward remark on my hair, I became less hesitant to talk and began to converse more because since he wasn't awkward, I shouldn't be too! And hey, this is my own cousin, and he knows I am not rich like the other customers! So why should I try to act cool in front of someone who already knows my background right??

During hair-washing session:

Me: So busy today huh?

Ah Bi: yeah kinda.

Me: Have you eaten?

Ah Bi: Haven't ooo.. No time to eat.

Me: *imagining how many customers must have came before me*

Ah Bi: Did your mom complained about her hairdo?

Me: Err.. *finding the right words to say.. I remembered a student my mom taught told her that her hair looks like his granny's but what the heck a child won't know how to judge the beautiful hairstyle* My mom got a praise from my cousin for her hairstyle, and she was couldn't believe it. She pretended not to know my cousin complimented her and wanted me to repeat to her that my cousin said her hair was beautiful. (FYI, I didn't make that up, my cousin Dolly did say that my mom's hair looked beautiful when we ran into her last Sunday hehe)

Ah Bi: so typical.. eksyen - eksyen hehe..

In the middle of cutting my hair, suddenly my mom appeared to check on me, Ah Bi saw her and when she was out of sight, he told me.

Ah Bi: Your mom's hair so messy. Looks like feather duster!

Me: *Laughed and at the same time did this expression (-_-") inside my heart.* She didn't know the right way to take care of that kind of hair, that's why hehe.

Some of the conversations that came up while he was cutting my hair.

Ah Bi: Your hair's so rough.

Me: (-_-") Ya lah ya lah.

I realized that through this saloon experience, I was able get to know my own relative's personality first hand through the conversations. While giving straightforward remarks about my hair, he was able to praise his hairstyling skill (which I didn't doubt), but it was kinda amusing to listen to him blowing his own trumpet in front of me, his cousin who first time broke the ice with him. Seriously. I never spoken more than 10 words with him before this apart from "Happy Chinese New Year", "Thank you" and " Ah, my drink's enough. Thank you. Thank you." (-_-")

When he almost finish cutting my hair...

Ah Bi: Now you looked so much younger nah.. *proud to be the one who helped me to look younger*

Me: *smiled*

Ah Bi: Eh by the way, how old are you?

Me: Same with Yi Yi..

Ah Bi: huh? *couldn't hear my voice, thanks to the hairdryer*

Me: 22 years old.

Ah Bi: eh, I couldn't guess that. Hehe. Seriously 22?

Me: Why? You know, people think I am Melissa's older sister.

Ah Bi: Ooo, I wasn't the one who said that ah.. (or more accurately in Hokkien: em si wa kong eh ah..)

Then in the middle of arranging my hairstyle he asked me something but I couldn't hear, thanks again to the hairdryer.

Ah Bi: brbrrrr... brrr.. *sound of hairdryer*

Me: Hah? I can't hear.

Ah Bi: *switched off hairdryer* You have boyfriend bo?

Me: Haha No.. (In my mind, I expected a question regarding my hair) (-_-")

Ah Bi: Hah, you must be lying. I know you got one... Must have one..

Me: (-_-") *Somewhat flattered but what the heck I wasn't lying* Ya la, ya la, I have a boyfriend, I even have a husband.

Ah Bi: *laughed maybe because speechless*

**********************

Ah Bi: Michele's not cutting her hair? Michele's hair so little eh.

Me: Her hair so little, then if you cut, will become less leh.

Ah Bi: No lah.. If I cut, her hair could look thicker..

Me: (-_-")

There were other amusing conversations but I couldn't list them all. I guess Ah Bi has this ability to make his customers felt comfortable with him though they aren't familiar with him or just know him for the first time. My these two cousins, Ah Bi and Yi Yi - I have no doubt both of them would become successful one day. Though education and further studies thingy weren't their forte, I had a feeling that they could be successful in life because if you have a passion in what you do, you can go far, as far as you want to.

The proof that they are talented and had the power to go far is that, they had the power to change the perception of a reluctant customer like me about fancy saloons after this experience.

Well, you know, I kinda lost my "fancy-saloonphobia" after this experience. And I'm really glad I overcame it. ;)

She Writes...

I remember when I was in high school, whenever I was asked to write a fictional essay, I was very excited because I had so many stories to tell. The stories stemmed from my imagination, and everytime when I daydreamed, a new story was born - but the sad part about it was that the story remained abstract in my mind.

When I finally transformed the stories inside my head into concrete written words, it was not reader-friendly because the essence of the story was not there. The results of my writings were nothing like what I wanted them to be. The story became less interesting compared to the one I imagined inside my head.

It turned out to be more like a syok sendiri kind of fictional essay because whenever I asked my sister to read my essay, she broke into laughter while reading it though I was sure I didn't include any humour inside my fictional essay.

And of course, she was laughing at the wrong usage of vocabulary, the cliche dramatic effect, or the stupid dialogues that I used in my story. I guess my attempt to impress the readers backfired. (-_-")

Though I lack the ability to write a good story - I am dead sure I have no problem in identifying the writing talent in somebody. And that somebody I meant is none other than this girl whom I used to teach back in my own alma mater. Her name is Angelina, and I am proud to say that I had taught her before (though the subject I taught her contributed nothing to her writing ability hehe).

I was really impressed with her short story essay that she published in her blog. That was really a remarkable piece written by a 13 year old. I could not imagine myself writing something like that at the age of 18, what more to say at her age. The vocabulary, the storyline, and the flow of the story blended well together. If my former Creative Writing lecturer reads this story, he would have given it at least a good pass - with minimum or no negative remark at all. He would be in total shock to discover that this piece was written by a high school junior, and not by his students.

I am glad and relieved because she finally created a blog. I mean, I really wanted her to realize her writing talent and maintain it for greater achievement in the future. Who knows, she could come up as the next Melina Marchetta?

This girl, with her sarcasm and wittiness, just captured me to become her ultimate blog reader. ;)

[Interframe: My sister said she was portrayed unjustly in this post - but I assured her it's normal for older siblings to laugh at the younger ones. And uh for the record, my sister laughed at this particular post which I didn't find funny at all. Unjustly, you said...Hmm...]