I will have an important test tomorrow, but because I need to have peace with my mind, I had to spill out what had been bothering me today. Huh~
On my way to my 3 pm class today, while I was trying to cross the road, I saw a guy on a wheelchair, using both his hands forcefully to push forward his wheelchair at the side of the road. His wheelchair was not the automatic one, but it was the manual one, where you have to use your hands energy to push it forward. I just looked at him, wondering whether I should help him or not. When he finally passed by me, I didn't help me, instead I smiled at him.
He didn't smile back. Perhaps it was because he didn't know me or he was too tired to smile. After I managed to cross the road, I regretted for not helping him. I mean, probably he needed my help, and obviously a smile didn't help. I kept thinking about what if I came late to class? Hmm.. I should be more practical next time, instead of becoming a hypocrite. What's the use of regretting and being sad for not helping someone when I had the chance? He had been pushing his own wheelchair from God knows where, the Aman hostel or another hostel further down.
On my way to the class, everything was blurry, I didn't notice anybody, even a junior of mine, aka my CUS granddaughter, Lia, when she called me. (psst, sorry Lia, I was in a deep thought just now huhu and God knows how many person I had ignored on the way to class) I managed to reply a brief smile. I kept thinking about what I could have done to make a small difference, and I blew it away.
That's not the only dilemma I have for today. In the evening during a dinner with my friends Lee Ying and Kim Hong, I heard the news of the death of my friend's mother. I was shocked. I mean, I just mentioned my friend's name out of nowhere and BAM, I heard a bad news about her mother. I didn't dare to send her a condolence message just yet before I really confirm the news. It was really frustrating. She was probably in a deep sorrow now. And I couldn't do anything about it.
But everything happens for a reason. Haiz. I have yet to find the reason. I wish I could do something about it than just to sit there and contemplate all these things theoretically. And to wheelchair guy, wherever you are, have a safe journey around USM. If we were to meet again, I won't just smile and walk away, but I will try to approach you and to offer a help, provided you need it. And to my dear friend, if only you read this, I want to let you know that we at CUS here care for you. Be strong ya girl.
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4 comments:
honestly, if i were the guy in the wheelchair, i wouldn't want anyone to help me unless I'm really struggling at pushing myself.. or only when I'm crossing the road with many cars. there are some type of ppl who don't like others to be sympathetic and would rather be treated like others.
which is why, like you said, everything happens for a reason. perhaps the reason why u didn't help him is becos he didn't need help. so don't fret about it, mau.. i'm sure there's another chance for u to approach him.. maybe the next time, you can try to talk to him instead. =) then if u see him struggling then u help him..
oh and my condolences to ur fren too.. =/ I pray that she'll be alright..
cud it be that God is actually training u by putting u in a small moral dilemma so next time, when u come across a bigger one - u'll know what to do.Honestly,I've been tru a lot of this moral dilemma. i.e the thing with beggars. i wanted to help.. but somehow, i'm afraid to be a part of some kind of illegal syndicates exploiting beggars. I guess, it's very much important to have a very close and intimate relationship with God. Becos only He know best. And when we feel that urge to help, it won't kill us to at least ask and show some concern.. For u and for me too.. ^_^
don't feel bad... sometimes people who are unfortunate, actually dont want help. so it is also the matter of whether they want help or not. Plus, at least you came to realize and regret that you didnt try to help him. That shows how caring you are as a person. People go through moral dilemma every now and then...it acts as a tool to keep you in check :)
Amanda: yea, perhaps the person doesn't need my help too kan... thanks for telling me something from a different perspective. but that's not a reason for me not to offer help too.. haiz.. next time i will try to offer, though there's a possibility for rejection. hehe
Debbie: yea, about the beggars thingy, i usually don't donate anymore.. i donate thru organizations or something like that.. unless they want food, then baru i give to them.. :)
Erisha: thanks for the comforting words yea.. :) wow, yea. U and Amanda are right.. hmmm, me caring? erm.. hehe. not really sure about that. but thanks for thinking that I am.. ehhe.
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